EU Individual Paragraph

2014 European Year For Reconciling Work and Family Life

My paragraph's way to its perfection.

Draft #1
In 2011 the COFACE, the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union, proposed to the European Parliament that 2014 should be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal to be the EU's focus in 2014. Since then, the COFACE is establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards an Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to combine work and having children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to create a family policy which provides answers for obstacles that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality for women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, but to enable EU citizens to live a decent quality of life. So, in particular for families in the EU, 2014 is a year to look forward to. 

[185 words]

Corrections #1

In 2011 the COFACE, the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union,  (interrupts reading) proposed to the European Parliament that 2014 should be the  (sounds too German) year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal to be the EU's focus in 2014. Since then, the COFACE is establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards an Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to combine (why not use verb referring back to the topic?) work and having children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to create (wrong collocation) a family policy which provides answers for obstacles that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality for women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, but to enable EU citizens to live a decent quality of (you can't really live a quality) life. So, in particular for families in the EU, 2014 is a year to look forward to. 

Thanks to Alexandra and Dominik for all the constructive tips!

Draft #2

In 2011 the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union (COFACE) proposed to the European Parliament that 2014 to be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal to be the EU's focus in 2014. Since then, the COFACE is establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards an Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to reconcile work and having children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to implement a family policy which provides answers for obstacles that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality for women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, but to enable EU citizens to live a decent life. So, in particular for families in the EU, 2014 is a year to look forward to.
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Corrections #2

In 2011 (comma) the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union (COFACE) proposed to the European Parliament that (forgot to adjust to correction #1) 2014 to be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal to be the EU's focus in 2014.  (no need for repetition) Since then, the (organisations do not need articles) COFACE is establishing (I can't believe I got the tense wrong here) a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards an (pronunciation is /ˈjʊərəp/) Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to reconcile work and having children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to implement a family policy which provides answers for obstacles that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality for (the preposition between works better here) women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, but to enable EU citizens to live a decent life. So,  (rather informal) in particular for families in the EU, 2014 is a year to look forward to.  (needs changing)

Thank you, Mirjam and Sonja, for your help!

Draft #3

In 2011, the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union (COFACE) proposed to the European Parliament for 2014 to be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal. Since then, COFACE has been establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards a Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to reconcile work and having children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to implement a family policy which provides answers for obstacles that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality between women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, but to enable EU citizens to live a decent life. Owing to the organisation's efforts, 2014 is a year to look forward to, in particular for families in the EU. 


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Corrections #3

In 2011, the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union (COFACE) proposed to the European Parliament for 2014 to be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. The European Parliament approved this proposal. (too short, disconnected sentence that ends apruptly) Since then, COFACE has been establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards a Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to reconcile work and having children. (men can't do this) Therefore, COFACE's aim is to implement a family policy which provides answers for obstacles (wrong collocation) that are difficult for families in Europe to overcome on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality between women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. However, it is not the purpose of the organisation to force anything on families in Europe, (outside information, not neccessary to include) but to enable EU citizens to live a decent life. Owing to the organisation's efforts, 2014 is a year to look forward to, in particular for families in the EU.



Final Version

In 2011, the Confederation of Family Organisation in the European Union (COFACE) proposed to the European Parliament that 2014 be the year to focus on work-life balance for EU citizens. After the European Parliament approved this proposal, COFACE has been establishing a policy plan to improve work and family life as our society is evolving towards a Europe where it is challenging for families, especially women, to reconcile work and taking care for children. Therefore, COFACE's aim is to implement a family policy which provides solutions for problems that are difficult for families in Europe to solve on their own. Besides work-life balance, other important aims for 2014 are to establish equality between women and men, more job security and a more productive workforce. In short, the purpose of the organisation is to enable EU citizens to live a decent life. Owing to the organisation's efforts, 2014 is a year to look forward to, in particular for families in the EU.